Hiii :)

[E<3]

ok so...im 18 and im a freshman in college..ive been stuttering for as long as i can remember. The first time it really hit me that i had a speech problem was probably kindergarden. I had just learned how to read (because my brother was a year older than me and he was learning how to read so I pretty much learned with him) and i remember finally finishing an entire book all by myself!..Green Eggs and Ham. haha so I went to go show my mom and I started reading and I just kept stuttering and the damn words just wouldnt come out of my mouth. My mom smiled and said "its ok sweetie just keep going your doing fine", but i just didnt understand why the hell i couldnt just say what i wanted to say! after that all i remember was putting my head down and crying and crying i was so embarrased and i hated myself for being so damn vulnerable. That was me when i was 5 years old. As the years passed my stuttering got better and better to the point where i hid the fact that i stuttered and only my closest family members and a few friends knew. My boyfriend didnt even know i stuttered until one day i decided to tell him (we had been going out 8 months already so i figured he might as well know right?) he was actually kinda surprised, he told me he had noticed it a few times but he just thought it was normal because everyone stutters once in a while. To this day (after being with him a year and a half) i still have to remind him that i really do stutter and its not something i do once in a while like most people. Lately though, these past few weeks my stuttering has been really bad. I have trouble keeping a conversation or even saying a sentence! Its starting to get to the point where im seriously considering going back to speech therapy (i stopped going in 7th grade because i switched schools) im just really in need of some help again. I found this website a few days ago and i didnt consider joining it because i was scared someone i knew might stumble across my picture or my name and recognize me (which is why i dont have a picture or my name on my profile) :) . but then i decided. fuck it. ill just join so i can tell my story and talk to other people who are going through the same thing im going through, because i hate when people who dont stutter try to relate to me and say "oh dont worry, i stutter all the time too". I feel like telling them they have no idea what its like to stutter permanently, they have no idea what ive been through, they have no idea that even saying my own damn name is hard for me sometimes so how can they tell me that its ok it happens to everyone?? anywayyy..this is getting kinda long..so yea thats my little stuttering story in a nut shell :)

[E<3]

i kno what u mean. like today actually this girl was trying to talk to me in class and i probably came off as rude cus i would jus answer her questions with a simple yes or no and i didnt make conversation with her like she was trying. but i cant help it i guess id rather not talk to people then have them look at me different. an yea i have that problem too sum weeks are good sum weeks are bad..these past like 3 weeks have been the worst its ever been tho its so freakin frustrating. jus one day i would like to kno how it would feel to be able to say everything i wanted without hesitating or just talk without having to worry about getting stuck. but actually i feel kinda lucky cus i dont have it as bad as some people i know. and if u really think about it it could be worse right? i mean at least we can see and hear and walk..lol i kno it doesnt make up for not people able to talk fluently but it helps me when i feel like shit to think about the bright side of the damn situation lol

[birdman]

Yeah i feel that most people dont understand either. Some days making basic conversations can be a challenge. I still have problems telling ppl what my name is time to time. I have my good weeks, my bad weeks and my really bad weeks. For instance last week it was as bad as i can recently remember having. I can hide it for the most part but i feel i tend to become very antisocial and almost robotic. ( that seems to rub some ppl the wrg way though). I just cant imagine how it must feel not to have a stuttering problem, i mean what do those ppl worry about.